Saturday, August 20, 2016

me + yous = 3rd wheel fun

summer, i in turn love you and endure you.  you are like youth--you give the impression of lasting forever but suddenly you are over.

yesterday was so hot.  i felt like i had heat stroke in my own home.  i was watching the track and field olympic events like high jump and the 4x4 and 4x1 races.  i couldn't stand my clothes.  they were my lightest things but their weight and heat oppressed me.  the couch was a bed of heat.  i ended up stripping down to my nothings and having a cold shower.  then before i dressed again, i ran my clothes under the tap and put them on damp.  this is how i survive.

earlier i texted katie "what fun thing are you doin?" i asked.   that's how i found myself on the road to abbotsford friday night.  google maps took me way south to avoid traffic on the #1.  it's a backroads country route through south surrey, hazelmere, and langley.  i drove the the golden light of the lowering sun with all my windows down and laura loves love cd blasting.  fields glowed.<3 blasting.="" cd="" fields="" glowed.="" nbsp="" p="" the="">
when i hit the highway it was not long before i was exiting again just as the sun was setting and the sky was turning a dusky magenta.  yes, i made a wrong turn.  yes google maps sent me on a long goose chase through the fields rather than just telling me "turn around dummy", and i like a fool followed along until i was like, heyyyyy google maps, you sent me in a huge square!  after that little betrayal by google maps (i thought we were friends!) i quickly found macdonald dark sky reserve.  i pulled in behind brent's jeep, grabbed my sleeping bag and camping chair from the back and crossed the grass to join katie and brent at a picnic table.

i was just in time to join them for a movie.  brent had his laptop on the picnic table and we lined our camping chairs in front of it, our feet up on the picnic table bench.  but first i poisoned us all by very thouroughly dousing myself in bug spray.  i believe in being mosquito free.  i believe the children are our future...then we settled down for a nicholas sparks movie.  i forget what it was called but it was something about choices.  of course, being a nicholas sparks movie it was highly emotional and romantic.  i know what you're doing nicholas.  i can see you manipulating my emotions at the same time i'm helplessly wiping my tears away.  you're good at what you do.  brent was not impressed but that's because men are known to have hearts of ice in these cases.

meanwhile the almost full moon, that silver beauty, rose.  we knew it was coming but we hoped it would be behind the mountains so we would have some light free star gazing time.  but how can you be mad at the moon.  she's so gorgeous and she lights everything with this magic silver glow.  we walked down to a clearing and lay our blankets down and watched the skies.

we saw a few shooting stars.  and we tried to use the star gazing apps but they were weird.  i'm weird too, so it's like magnets who repel each other.  we were near a slough of the river.  and we kept hearing a sound.  brent thought it was a phone because it was almost like a vibrating buzzing.  i thought maybe a frog or a bird.  it came in three buzzing fog horn  like bursts in a row.  by the end of the night i settled on some sort of goose.  but the silver moon for all it's glowing did not reveal the identity of our star gazing neighbour.

we left around midnight i think.  deep sleepy fatigue washed over me as i walked to my car.  a week of sparseness in sleep time caught up to me right in that moment and i had an hourish drive home.  i knew what to do. i opend my windows, i blasted my music and i made myself sing loud and i made it home.  

Monday, June 27, 2016

don't read this. it's boring.

well on friday my magazine came.  i didn't expect it to come and yet it came.  it came without ribbons, it came without tags, it came without packages boxes or bags... (actually it was in a package, so.)  i was excited.  then jordan did me wrong.

friday night i drove out to chilliwack.  katie and i made coconut buttermilk syrup for our breakfast group.  we are not advertising the coconut aspect however, because it does not start with a b, and we are b group.  just know it's coconut buttermilk syrup and it's divine.  if we are telling the truth here, i did not actually really make the syrup.  i provided the recipe.  and i provided support.  but really katie was cleaning her oven and it was way too hot for me to stand near the oven.  i have my limits.  we sent natalie to bed and stole her movie.  austenland.  and then michealah came home from work bearing delicious tubs of frozen yogurt.  i had ordered coconut and passionfruit with scor bits, coconut and mango juice balls.  it was perfect.  at one point michealah got up suddenly from the couch, walked briskly into the kitchen straight to the window into the dining room and dove through it with a serving spoon to reach her orange cup on the table, which she could have taken as she walked by it.  kids are weird.  she got gussied up into her prom dress.  she's going to look gorge as usual.

next morning i was barely awake when i received a visit from malachi and queen e.  natalie showed up too.  we fooled around with some snap chat crazies and then went upstairs for pancakes.  i touched them all to find hot ones that would melt butter and michealah told on me.  malachi liked what i did and took it a step further, squishing them all.

i put my hair up into a ponybun and took natalie and queen e with me to katie's new house.  when we arrived brent was there with a bunch of roofers and floor pullers.  brent's philosphy of painting a house is just start painting.  and that's what happened.  i tried to cut in first as much as possible, but it was a losing battle.  often i was cutting in on already painted walls.  i was able to tape off most of the kitchen with noodlie's help.  but she abandoned me once i pulled out the stove and we saw the horror that lay beyond it.

burt was another cutter in guy.  burt was the painting coach to all the painters.  eventually doug, douglas and josh showed up and morgan and avery and brinna.  and we painted our hearts out.  one time a worker walked through the kitchen and asked me if he could show me how to properly use my brush.  so i allowed him.  but i didn't really get it.  but i pretended i did.  that's how i handled that situation.

we got there at 9am and we went strong until 2pm when suddenly we were starving.  niki showed up with some delicious sandwiches, chips, and veggies and dip.  it really hit the spot.  then i had to take my paint splattered body home to get ready for stake conference. i thought i could get ready there.  hahaha.  i didn't factor in the need for a shower.  oh but first i made douglas and josh and doug read my magazine.

speaking of my magazine, there a few captions.  they aren't long.  people tend to want to look at only pictures.  take the time to read man.  words count.

i was so tired when i got home that i could barely force myself to get ready.  my eyes just wanted to close.  but i did because i was in the choir and the choir was small. and because i was giving rachel a ride.  these are things that make me do things.

but stake conference was good.  of course it was.  and it was good to sing in the choir.  of course it was.  after dropping rachel off, i bought myself some mcdonald's with a milk shake.

today was conference again.  and jordan was recruited to join the choir last minute.  jordan.  the one who did me wrong.  rachel spent the time making pinwheels out of post its.  whatever it takes.

i didn't have time to do laundry on saturday.  now i'm in big underwear trouble.

today one of the talks was on the sabbath day and how to make it special .  it specifically was about making it special outside of church.  and it specifically mentioned not just sleeping.  and i came home and had a looong nap.  4 hours.  others don't have my problems.  my over-napping disabilities.  others don't understand how i'm always teetering on the edge of dysania.

katie cruelly mentioned to me on the phone she was eating hagen daaz chocolate peanut butter ice cream.  like what am i supposed to do with that??  on a sunday??? could she be more heartless?  doubt it.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

a few things of note before i sleep:

1. i found a recipe for shepherd's pie that i like. this is significant.

2. a fluff of molten mashed potato blistered my uvula today. why does burning hot food just sit there at the entrance to the esophagus.  if you're not going down, by all that is right and good COME BACK.

3. i made my own bao today and i kinda rocked it.

4. I've had about a week or so reprieve from vertigo but it appears to be back to say a final farewell perhaps. nudge nudge.

5. a fully rotten almost liquified potato has the power to induce my gag relfex like nothing else does. tuck that tasty bit of info away for later.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016


 so the day came.  i did my dishes.  i emptied the food compost bin.  and i think the flies are on their way out.  good news for everyone.  today i started work late because i was doing the social.  my social was a photo walk in richmond nature it wasn't too much work for me so much as an enjoyable evening.

i am in love....with roasted tomato and goat cheese tart.  i can eat it forever.  it's a perfect dish.  each bite is sublime and it is so simple.  i made it for dinner with honey garlic chicken wings and a yummy spinach and arugula salad with veggies and roasted almonds and craisins with a red wine vinegar, honey, garlic dressing that we whipped up.  perfect dinner.  everyone loved it so much and that makes me happy.  i love to make really good food for the members.  it's just a way i love them i guess.  i was thinking about it after talking to one of the member who was just so happy after the meal, and it reminded me of when i was in egypt preparing food for bashir. it was just simple food but i remember how happily he ate it and how that made me happy.  he told me later "i know you put so much love into it.  i can see it while you are making it."  i hadn't thought of it before.  it's a simple thing.  but feeding people is a way to love them.  i get you, italian mothers.  i get you right here.

speaking of love, i love my friend mei lin.  i texted her the other day just wondering where i can buy bao (the taiwanese steamed buns).  and she just went out and bought me some and brought them to my house.  she amazes me.  she's been given such a challenge and she meets it with such faith and courage and positivity, and it seems to me that in the face of her challenge she has become strong.

it's raining again.  i hope my tomatoes will not get too drrrrrenched (mrs harris).  i love the sound of it.  the sound of rain is such a beautiful sound.  admit it.

anyways here's an unedited old pic of owen that i didn't know i had.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

good things

 well i stayed up all sunday night until 4am finishing my family reunion project.  i hope it turns out.  that's in God's hands now.  his, and the blurbarati.  it should come as a surprise to no one that i fell asleep shortly after arriving home from work yesterday.  approximately 4:30pm.  and i didn't wake up until 1am.  and i've been awake since.

for a couple of hours after i woke up i was on my laptop and my phone, whiling away my time on the world wide web.  around 3 i began searching for something to watch on netflix but i realized, because my heart told me so, i didn't want to watch anything.  and i didn't want to be on the world wide web.  so i shut my laptop and the moment i did, i noticed the silver light of the summer solstice full moon shining in on me from my window.  and i thought, how often do i miss such beautiful moments like this because i have my eyes glued to the artificial light of a laptop or phone or something.  and then i thought God blesses the world constantly with beautiful moments like this and it is rare that i take the time to feel the goodness of it.  he's just so giving like that--giving selflessly whether we notice or not.

so anyways, i wrote in my journal a while.  i've been thinking lately that i need to take more time for reflection, meditation and writing.  quiet moments for scripture study too, instead of listening to talks and scriptures while i'm always on the go.  i need to stop and have still moments.  my life has been lacking that lately and i know it's something i need.  i had a good journal time and then i sat and kind of just read back on old entries. i started this journal in 2010  and it has mostly been a place where i have counted my blessings--wrote down spiritual moments and when i notice God's hand in my life.  So it was an uplifting read, to see all these small and big moments in the past 6 years that  God has been good to me.  well of course there have been more times obviously, i just said that his blessings are constant, but these were ones i recognized and wrote about.

i came across a cute little entry written march 23, 2012.  i'm a gonna share it with you now.

I want to remember all the good things people say to me.  Today I spent time with Daman and Fatima.  Fatima and I were laying in their big bed talking and Daman was sleeping beside her.  As I was leaving to go and Fatima to come with me to let me out, Daman came out of the bathroom (pee break) and out of the blue he said my hair was wildly curly like out of a children's book or something.  This mad me and Fatima laugh about a book she had given me called 'Fanny B. Cranny There's a Bird in your Hair'. "No but it's really beautiful, actually." said DAman looking at me sweetly with his sleepy eyes.  Thanks Daman.  You never know who will tell you the good stuff.  The trick is to hear it,  listen to it and remember it.  I had just been giving my hair a critical once over minutes before and left feeling unsatisfied but resigned.  Daman saw it differently. 

sweet hey?  i never would have remembered that if i didn't write about it.  here's a pic of me and fats from one such big bed session.

this is an unedited pic i took of daman a couple of christmases ago.  my buddah gave me a good bud-in-law.  :)

i leave you with two photos from my disposable water cameras.  i found them when i was looking for the budcouple's photos.   the first is taken in 2009 when edith, claudine and i went camping in tofino.  eeds is in the background.  i like this pic because this is my face when i am full of the enjoyment of life.

and this one is the end of the film so sloan got cut out.  still i enjoy it very much.  it seems so retro.  it was taken at kal lake.

and this one is me and lisa...and sai at work.  miss her.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

in my mind's eye i got up many times and did the dishes.  but in reality i edited pics and watched own network all day.  i only got up to go to the bathroom or pay the pizza delivery boy.

my hair is so flat recently.  i need a lion's mane session with sarah again.

this evening was the pub night fundraising event for work. you buy a ticket for 20.00 and you get a drink and a burger.  i helped do the 50/50 and it made me think of lisa.  she always did the 50/50 and i often helped her.  after the pub night there was a get together at colin's.  he has a condo with a loft.  i just really love the idea of a loft.  maybe one day i'll live in a place with a loft.   you never know.   he also has a dish chair that he's giving lindsay, which is totally unfair.  all dish chairs should go to me.  obvs.  people drank a lot more at colin's and by the time they decided to go out for karaoke, i knew i was going home.  i just don't enjoy that part of the night when things start getting inappropriate. while we were all getting ready to leave dave slipped out and then we couldn't find him.  he totally started walking the streets in a drunken stumbling stupor.  luckily after 10 minutes lindsay saw him stumble by at the cross road and we called him back.  i dropped them off at karaoke and left, glad i was going home.

a lot of the shows i watched on own today gave me different ideas of how i can improve my life.  lots spoke about meditation.  i definitely could benefit from better spiritual quiet time every day. another one was about changing your thinking and your circuitry...that one was pretty interesting.

Thursday, June 16, 2016


today we made thai chicken curry.  i don't know why, but i really enjoy crafting this meal.  gathering the flavours into the one pot.  lemon grass, coconut milk, red curry paste, lime leaves, ginger, garlic, lime juice....each one delicious on their own, but together--divine.  so happy when i taste it and it is better than i imagined.  cooking can be such a satisfying way to create.

after work i met heather at red wagon on east hastings for dinner.  heather works at capilano uni. now and she's looking for a place to live.  but first we ate.  red wagon has breakfast all day.  i've been wanting to try their creative dishes for a long time.  but in the end what looked good to me today, wasn't so far out. but it was yummy.  blue berry pancakes, house made sausages, sourdough toast, and home fries.  heather got the portabello sandwich.  she also asked the man next to us if he'd gone to the bathroom.  i found it funny.  of course i knew she wanted to ask him where it was.  heather always needs to know where the bathroom is, because she just needs to.  but i laughed and said in shocked tones "that's a personal question!"  the man said he actually just washed his hands, prompting other bathroom confessions which i also thought was funny.  bathroom confessions with strangers at red wagon....good times.  i wonder why that guy changed tables away from us...:)

so then we checked out the place and it's cute and heather sized and she needs to get it.  we find out on tuesday, or chewsday as h is wont to say.

right now you can watch own network for free so, i was watching some soul sundays and there was a sufi guy on.  apparently a sufi can be of any religion.  i feel i'm a bit of a sufi.  lds sufi.  it's all about love and God.  God is love.  there is divinity in all of us and in everything.  that's true.

late late

 those days when your hair is non-descript white fuzz?  rock it.  august 14 2014

so i really should do the dishes before the fruit flies pick my bones dry in my sleep.  but then what would i write about?  i just finished watching zootopia and i'm sad it's over.  last night i watched epic so i may have the beginning of  an insatiable addiction.   archie was curled up in the space between my knee and the back of the couch.  and all of a sudden he started meowing in his sleep.  i mean first it was more of a whimper.  and then an irritated muling and then an outright alert awake meow.  he looked at me accusingly.  it wasn't me buddy.  lindsay moved into her own place today.  i taught her how to write cheques.  i also tossed a piece of onion at her stomach to use as a backboard into the garbage can.  i could have just tossed it right in the can, but i prefer to be cheeky.  that's what kind of mature manager i am.  sometimes when one of the girls ask me something  i just stare at them with my mouth agape and my eyes dead and blank.  call it a defense mechanism. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

when i'm not thinking about radioactive vengeful fruit flies

cousins on the dock at the family reunion.  hey the family reunion is coming up and i'm featuring random photos from the last one to celebrate!!

today i came home to huge swarms of fruit flies.  did they escape the vacuum?  maybe.  will every post be about fruit flies.  probably.

lately i've been thinking about how sometimes a challenge seems insurmountable, impossible.  the more daunting and impossible it seems the more hope leaks out of my soul like a deflating balloon. darkness gathers like it's want to do when hope is sinking.  and darkness gathers more darkness. but. but then i realize that's because i'm thinking of myself in this challenge alone.  and i'm not alone.  none of us are.  and the Savior can do anything.  he has overcome all darkness.  he's risen with healing in his wings.  you know?  and the more i decide to have hope in that, hope in his power to heal and save... because when you come down to it, almost every kind of challenge is in need of healing and saving of some sort...when i put my faith in him--just a little bit even--i feel stronger, more capable, and the light starts to gather. and light gathers more light and hope builds and that is something i've been thinking about lately.  when i'm not thinking about fruit flies, that is.